lalala

Should I start journaling again? I kind of want to since college is starting soon and I think it would be good to track my success. Maybe I could start posting all the new words I learn just so I can have them permanently recorded? That sounds like a good idea.

Right now I’m at the point where crying seems like a good thing once again. I just made myself a hearty dinner but I have no appetite. I’m so lonely but my head is so full. I’m so tired but I can’t go to sleep. I have these great opportunities but they’re wearing me down. I’m absolutely exhausted to the point where crying seems like the only thing I can do. Crying really is such a nice thing. It’s a little break that you can take from life and it almost always leaves you feeling better than you were before. I still have the last two episodes of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood to watch with my sister but I don’t know of I’ll ever have time to see her. That makes me really sad. My great grandma told me recently that I adopted her as my own the moment she was born. And that makes me cry. I really truly always want the best for her. More than any other person in my life. I wish the best for her more than I wish for it myself. I really wish I was hungry so I could eat this food but I’m really not. I don’t think giving children food is a good reward for a good deed. That’s bad parenting in my opinion. Food is used in its own way. All of my coworkers are really nice, and I appreciate that. I still need to read the remaining half of Les Miserables. Jean Valjean makes me believe that no one should go to Hell. I really wish things weren’t this way. This is bad as well, and makes me want to cry. I’m just as bad a person as my dad but he’s going to go to Hell just because he doesn’t believe something? This really isn’t good. Now I really want to cry. I’m really sad that I hardly talk to Genes now. We’ve both gotten really busy recently and this is also bad. I used to have a really slow and relaxing life. That was good. This year is going to be bad. I think. I want to look at my tiredness as discipline and “character development” but I honestly just want to go to sleep. Sunburns are a really awful thing. It’s also bad that I can’t take showers without cringing anymore. Showers are one of my favorite things. Showers are good. Today I learned how to say “to vacuum” in Chinese. That was unexpected. I had a student today that was Japanese and at the end of the lesson I said “thank you very much” in Japanese to his parents. Their faces lit up, and that was great. I need to be better at these things. I don’t want to be so limited. Tomorrow I think I’m going to leave work early so that I can go home and study before Helena comes over. I really hope she teaches me a lot of Japanese tomorrow. It makes me very sad that I am possibly only going to be able to go to one day of the first week adventures for our new students. I think I’ll only be able to go Thursday. I still don’t know what to do for my birthday. It’s weird to think about how one year ago on my birthday my whole life’s support fell apart. That was bad. It still is bad. I’m listening to music from spirited away and it makes things so much better. China scares me and Japan does not. I would live in Japan right now if I had the option to. I would not live in china right now if I could. Japan is so crazy it’s great. I really wish I could be my cat for a day and see what her life is like. That would be nice. The Olympics are very exciting, and they are nice. If they ever have the Olympics in Japan I am going. The music from Avatar is some of the most amazing pieces I have ever heard. Especially the ones from the season finales where Aang goes into the avatar state. Those are great. I wonder why God allows for our vision to be impaired. Glasses are not nice. I love it when the sun is setting and everything sinks into the color of light gray. Is gray spelled gray or grey? Why is English so horrible? Why does my iPhone allow both spellings of the word grey and does not give me a little red line under one of them? Right now my cat is looking at me. I wonder what she’s thinking. I wonder if she likes the music I’m playing right now. I really love how independent Genes is becoming. He comes back in 8 days. This is the best thing. Swimsuits are very expensive and I don’t understand why. This is not good. Well, I’m coming back to reality soon. This is not very good.